Wherever you look, all around you, everyone seems to be constantly busy and waiting for big things to happen. Counting down to the next holiday, to the next weekend, to pay day. For as long as I can remember, I've also been one of those people - until now. In a way, I think it's quite normal to be excitedly waiting for plans you've made, or to finally have a day off work, but it doesn't have to be the be all and end all. What happened to living in the now and enjoying the little things? What happened to appreciating the smaller things in life? I think that's what has clicked for me this year and I've been thinking about it so much and how I'm so appreciative of everything around me and how I'm quite frankly - pretty damn happy with life.
It's okay to want more from life, it's inspiring to have aspirations and goals, to want to learn and to achieve more... but what happened to being grateful for what you already have? To being content with the now whilst you are striving for those goals?
It took me a long time to get to the place I'm in now. I never really felt like I had my shit together until I had Reuben, it's like I was waiting for him to come along for things to settle in place. But even after I had him, I've been a bit here, there and everywhere, until we finally settled into our new home last year. I realise that in life that we can't just make things happen for us, but I've spent so much of my life waiting for things to happen, for what's coming next, and now I'm just happy with what I have. I'm not rich, I don't have my dream car, my dream house, nor am I in the financial position to be still with where I'm at in my career. But I'm just happy, I do okay, I have Reuben and I've created a home for us that I adore with the means that I've got. It's just about living your own life in the best way that you can I suppose? Which is exactly what I've been doing for these past few months and rather than wasting time wishing for things that I can't afford or dreaming of places I long to go, I'm just living in the now and feeling totally at bliss for the most part.
It was just the other day that I was sat on my sofa and I was just staring at the flickering flame from one of the candles I had lit on my fireplace. I just sat there and thought about how beautiful the lighting was, how cosy I felt and how I was safe and sound sat inside my own little home with my little boy. It was such a random moment but it was the moment I kind of realised just how content I am right now. I'm not saying that my life is perfect, I have my ups and downs, my bad days, just like anyone else - but I'm still totally okay, and grateful for all that I have.
I'm not naive, and I'm aware that a lot of the things that have happened over the last couple of years have all lead me to this moment where I can finally feel happy with my life. But even so, there's so much more I want to achieve, there's so many more goals that I want to reach. I want to travel more, I want to be in the position to not need to rely on credit cards and invoices being paid on time (although they obviously should be, but reality people), I want to buy a beautiful little cottage in the country. So much! But I'm no longer focusing solely on striving for those things and I've learned to just be happy with who I am and what I have got. I feel like it's a massive achievement for someone like me who's such a perfectionist and gets pretty bored with life when it just stands still. I'm constantly searching for the next adventure and wanting to take on new projects, but I'm trying to do all of that whilst also focusing on the present moment.
I think that it's particularly important for me, as I have Reuben and honestly, I can't believe that he's going to be four this year. FOUR YEARS OLD. And it's just gone by in a flash. I just want to stop waiting for things to happen, and to soak up every little moment. All of those cosy evenings cuddled up on the sofa, him sat on his iPad, me browsing Instagram, Netflix on the tv. I just want to soak up those moments even if we're just sat doing our own thing, so what? We're both happy and together and that's what matters. You don't have to do the extraordinary to make beautiful memories with your children, you just need to be there, and be together.
I'm definitely of the mindset that life is short, and we should live it - but why does that mean that we need to be doing this that and the other to be living? If you're happy with where you're at in life, you're already living. I'm not saying that I'm going to stop saving up for trips away so that we can explore more of the world, or that I'm going to stop striving to progress with my job so that I can buy us that little cottage in the country that I dream of. There's just so much pressure to be doing things allllll of the time and I say, what's wrong with just being content amongst the smaller things? There are no rules on what kind of memories you need to create in this life, just do your own thing and make the memories that you want to make.
So here's to living in the now, eh?
