Five things I've learned parenting a toddler...
I often feel strange for still calling Ru a toddler, but technically he is one until he's out of pre-school which sadly won't be long as he starts school this year! *sad* I can't believe it... it's gone too quick. My little guy is now nearly four and a half and I feel that we've almost left all of the toddler stages behind us at this point. There's been so many stages and phases where I've thought this is never going to end, but it does. It passes and everything is fine. Raising a baby? That's a breeze. A toddler? That's another story. I thought that I'd share a list of the things that I've learned over the last four years in the hope that another mama can either relate, or can maybe feel a little bit of hope in a time that they might need it.
The fussy eating does pass.
I don't think I've spoken to a single mum who hasn't related to Reubens fussy eating stage. We're not fully out of the fussy eating phase but he's getting so much better and I can see the light. It feels like you'll never come through it but you will. I actually only have problems with Ru's appetite mainly, which is messed up due to other health issues, but the refusal to eat anything and everything is thankfully behind us. It's all about patience and just constantly offering up new things to try or trying the same things again a week later. Not letting him snack or eat other things (the mean method) has worked for us sometimes too. I hated that as I didn't want to let him go hungry but I was told by other mums that he would eat if he was hungry, and quite often that really was the case. I just had to play tough love for a little bit. For the majority of the time, I've just home baked/cooked a lot of things and hidden veggies in foods that he likes. Fruit has never been a problem thankfully - just those greens!
He will do everything in his own time.
It took me so long to understand that children will do things in their own time. I guess when it's your first baby, you just worry about everything and you haven't lived through it to see it or understand it, but when people tell you that your child will get there in their own time... it's so true. There was two main things that proved this in our case, the first being Reubens speech and the second being potty training. He didn't really start talking properly until he was 3 and even looking back now at videos from a year ago, you can just see the drastic difference in his conversation from then to now. So many mums told me that once he started, he wouldn't stop and that's exactly how it played out. You can't get him to shut up now! He just baby babbled for the longest time but it was never a concern with the health visitor as she said he was trying, he was just focusing on other areas instead. He crawled from a very young age, he walked from a very young age and he has always been amazing with his motor skills, so it was just the fact that he wasn't ready to focus on talking yet and he was getting there in his own time. He was a very late potty trainer but as I'd really waited until I felt he was ready, he mastered it within two days and has had about one accident that I can think of since then. If there is anything I would recommend waiting to do, it's potty training as I had less than two days of cleaning up accidents and it was an absolute breeze. The best thing I ever did was wait and not force him when he wasn't ready. I saved both Reuben and myself the stress!
Telling him off doesn't solve tantrums.
I understand that children are not a 'one size fits all' and things like handling tantrums will vary massively from child to child, but in my case, cuddles and calm works instantly with Reuben over a telling off. Of course shouting inevitably happens sometimes, I'm only human guys, but it really isn't the way to calm him down. If he gets super upset and kicks off after a telling off, a cuddle and then a serious chat always works a charm and he's back to his well-behaved, angelic self. I do have to remind myself that children have emotions just like the rest of us - I get angry and pissed off all the time!
Screen time is not bad.
Screen time has been a god send for me, during supermarket shops or sat in doctors waiting rooms... you name it, it's made my life so much easier. It's not just about that either, Ru has had screen time since maybe around age two and his iPad has so many educational games on it which enabled him to develop with his learning so much. Since last March with the pandemic, he's used his iPad to keep in touch with family and friends and by using iMessage (voice messages) and FaceTime, his speech/conversation came on immense amounts. He also liked pressing letters and texting everyone, so he then started picking up reading and writing too, he started copying words that my family would text to him and understanding what they were, then typing them out himself. He then went on to copy those letters by hand on to paper which came out of nowhere and really surprised me. He can recognise and type so many words now, including his own name and family names! I think it just gives them a platform to be more interested and keep their attention span for longer rather than boring pen and paper.
Routine schmoutine.
I yawn when people moan about toddlers needing routine. If routines work for you, that's great, but they are not a necessity. Routine has never worked for us and we have been absolutely fine without one. Now that Ru is getting older and he's starting school this year, he's starting to need more of a routine which is what he has now, but from a baby up until age 4 he didn't need one whatsoever and that worked great for us. From about 18 months (maybe even a bit before that?) he's been an amazing sleeper, I never had problems with him going down for naps, and I don't have issues with him sleeping at night nor getting up in the night. He sleeps for a solid 12 hours most nights, sometimes longer. I always say he sleeps like a teenager because he does! Most babies/toddlers that need routine is down to their sleep habits and as there were zero issues with Rus sleep, there was just no need for him to have any sort of strict routine going. You have to do whatever works for you and your family, and that's exactly what we did. I think it's different for me too, as I've been a single mum from day one, it's just been us two, and we co-slept until he was 4. I didn't need alone time on an evening (in fact... I'd have been lonely!) so I'd let him stay up longer and we would watch films together cuddled up on the sofa and then I would take him to bed when he was sleepy or had fallen asleep on me. When he's tired he will also just take himself to bed and I've been happy for him to do that when he feels he's ready. He will be going into a stricter routine when he starts school because he will need it more with the early starts every day, but during the toddler stage he really hasn't needed one and that's okay.
Is there anything you've learned raising a toddler that you will take on board for baby number two?!