Parenting a neurodivergent child is a journey that can be marked by advocacy, adaptation and fierce, unconditional love. As our children grow into adolescence and young adulthood, new challenges can emerge – especially when it comes to how their behaviour is interpreted by the outside world. Misunderstandings can happen, and can escalate. In some cases, these may lead to involvement with educational disciplinary systems, safeguarding institutions, and even the legal system.
This can be especially complicated when your child is older, but still dependent – perhaps living at home, navigating further education, or struggling to gain a measure of independence due to difficulties with executive function or emotional regulation. In these moments, parents are understandably caught between two urgent instincts: to protect their child on one hand, and to maintain their responsibility to society on the other.
When behaviour is misread
It is very much a habit for neurodivergent teens to mask their symptoms for years, until burnout or stress triggers a crisis. What can look like defiance to a teacher, or a police officer – things like walking away mid-conversation, avoiding eye contact, or not answering questions – can be a shutdown response. With senses overwhelmed, and sometimes an overly literal interpretation of instructions, a neurodivergent young person may behave in a way which is misinterpreted.
Inappropriate comments, or boundary-blurring, can stem not from intent, but from difficulty reading cues. None of these are excuses, but they are explanations, and in the context of disciplinary action or in a courtroom, explanations matter.
Why representation and understanding matter
If your child is facing formal accusations, particularly if they are serious ones, it is vital to ensure that their neurodivergence is framed correctly and understood properly by everyone in the room. This means not only informing any solicitors or advisors of diagnoses, but also seeking support from advocacy groups and specialists who understand the nuances of neurodivergent communication and behaviour – and who can explain them in very clear terms.
In situations where accusations carry serious legal weight, a parent may need to secure the best legal advice possible. While this is an achingly difficult subject to broach, ensuring that a solicitor is in full possession of the facts and understands the vulnerability of a young person is key. In some especially sensitive cases, sexual offence solicitors may be required to ensure the process takes place lawfully, fairly and with full information – not so that accountability can be dodged, but to ensure that the context of the case is present from the outset, and not raised later when it could appear to be tactical.
Advocacy without impunity
It’s an otherworldly situation to be in – advocating for your child while not seeking to escape the impact of their actions. But the reality is that neurodivergent kids – like all kids, but perhaps more so – learn best when support is paired with structure, allowing them to understand the gravity of their actions while not condemning them as a person. Helping them to understand boundaries, acknowledge the gap between intent and impact, and take accountability is never going to be easy, but it is essential.
Accompanying your child through a legal situation can feel isolating, especially if there is a stigma attached – but you aren’t the first parent to face these feelings and you won’t be the last. Be there for your child, continue to learn and help them learn, and remember – you’re supporting them through one of the hardest things in life; and that matters.