The end of any type of relationship can be hard. However, when you split, the divorce process can be especially challenging.
Whether you’ve been married for a couple of years or decades, this separation involves a range of formalities and finer details that are designed to legally remove the life you’ve shared.
In addition to the practical steps that you need to take, there’s the emotional side of the process, where you’ll need to get used to life without your ex-partner. If you have children, how life will look for them now is also a huge part of your divorce.
As there is so much to factor in, it can be beneficial for everyone if you and your ex-partner can be as amicable as possible. Here are some ways you can work to keep things civil and your divorce as smooth as possible.
Communicate openly
Having good communication with your ex is vital.
Begin the process by setting clear boundaries and expectations. By having a procedure in place before your divorce properly gets underway, you’ll both know where you stand as you reach each stage of your legal separation.
For instance, if you can both agree on how to discuss sensitive topics, you could find that this helps to avoid arguments. Timing these more difficult conversations well can also put you both on an even footing as you’ll both be ready to discuss these tougher points.
How you speak to each other is also important. Frame concerns from your perspective as this will make it less likely that they’ll feel like they’re being accused of something.
Try to acknowledge your ex-partner’s feelings. Actively listening can help to sidestep any disagreements as you’re showing that you can make time for their point of view.
Focus on your children
Having good communication with your ex is especially important if you have children. Their emotional and psychological wellbeing is your priority, so being amicable with your ex can alleviate concerns they might have.
Establish how you plan to co-parent. Where possible, make decisions for your children together. For instance, where will they live once the divorce is finalised? Will they share their time between two homes or will you and your ex try birdnesting?
You’ll also need to establish a routine. Try to keep to their currentschedules for meals, school, and bedtime so that things feel as normal as possible.
Also, if you and your ex have an amicable relationship right now, try to have a conversation together. If you show that you’re both united in wanting your child to now it’s okay to express their feelings, they may feel reassured.
Consider alternative dispute resolution methods
Speaking to divorce solicitors and mediators first can save time, money, and emotional strain. Mediation can help you both reach some agreements without needing to face a lengthy court battle. Likewise, seeking a divorce online can simplify the process and help you both reach a settlement swiftly.
It helps that the recent introduction of the “no-fault” divorce in April 2022means it’s possible to separate without stating who’s to blame for the end of the marriage. This can remove conflict and feelings of resentment felt by divorcing couples in the past who had to assign fault. Under the new law, couples can apply for a divorce together, so it’s a more cooperative approach.
Seek professional help for emotional support
This is likely to be an emotional period in your life, regardless of how amicable you are you’re your ex. Professional counselling can be hugely beneficial. Counsellors can support your emotional recovery and help you process the changes in your life. These services are available through the NHS or you might find a private provider is helpful. By focusing on yourself, you can get through these coming months smoothly.